In my junior year, I competed in a bodybuilding contest. Lots of people ask me; What do I eat? What workouts do I do? I’ve answered all of them and more, and I’ve made an Instagram account for it. But I wish people knew more about the realizations I’ve made and the deeper aspects of doing a bodybuilding competition. If you are reading this, maybe you can realize them too.

To do this was a goal of mine for years and I was eager to get a head start early. Some days consisted of me waking up at six in the morning, eating egg whites (they aren’t tasteful), and going to the gym before school. After school I’d get home, sleep, and go back to the gym. It was lonely. I thought this was going to be a passion of mine for years to come and staying fit still is, but not bodybuilding competitions.

The competition was one of the best days of my life. I got up on stage in front of hundreds of people with women in their 20s to 40s.  “Silently I thought if Alexis is capable of this, then ideally, hopefully, she will be better prepared to cope with future life challenges,” my dad, Wayne Moyer, tells me, “I figured that if she can do this, then walking into a boardroom for a job interview will be a piece of cake.” I too was proud of the work I put in to stand confidently on that stage and felt a sisterhood emerging with the women around me. There was mutual respect for how hard we all worked to get there.

The girl who ended up winning was on steroids and in the wrong division, as she had already competed before. This was the first negative realization I had of doing this. It felt as if no matter how hard I worked there would always be someone unnatural competing against me and I knew I wouldn’t ever be taking growth hormones and such.

The second realization I had was how much happier I was when I got home. I didn’t feel the guilt building up in my stomach if I didn’t measure and write out how much salt I was taking or how much I weighed that day, or beat myself up for the various factors that bothered me late at night- Did I drink enough water? Did I REALLY work out enough today or do I need to do late-night sit-ups? “Being in elite physical condition does not equate to happiness,” my mom, Debbie Moyer, reflected on this, “Only Alexis can say if the extreme mental struggle was worth achieving this dream. As a mother, I would caution anyone on doing this considering the mental health impact it would have on a young girl.”

Thirdly, I had this fascination with the thought that when I got home from this, something grand would happen to me. I thought the love of my life would fall into my life since I was in the best shape of my life, I thought maybe I’d get sponsorships. And as cliche as this sounds, I realized looks have very little to do with anything. With the combined realization that the bodybuilding industry sets an unrealistic standard with women claiming to be natural and aren’t, and how maybe life at 17 years old shouldn’t be so rigid, I reflected. This didn’t happen the day after I got home though, it took months to mature about these experiences.

I’m proud of myself for doing this and I’ve gained and learned amazing characteristics about myself, but days shouldn’t be weighed on how much you worked out or ate. Girls shouldn’t punish themselves for the way they THINK that they look. Life is so much more than that. And if you want to do it, great, but make sure it’s something that’s truly making you happy.